


to let you go is never easy

by kumo_is_kumo



Category: ONEUS (Band)
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Romance, Smut, break up make up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-14
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-15 05:00:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,415
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29430633
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kumo_is_kumo/pseuds/kumo_is_kumo
Summary: The worst that would happen in a high school reunion is meeting an ex. That’s it.
Relationships: Kim Youngjo | Ravn/Lee Seoho
Comments: 1
Kudos: 36





	to let you go is never easy

**Author's Note:**

> thanks to mille for the inspiration~

For Seoho, the past is the past. There is no use in overthinking about things that clearly have been over for a long time. Life is all about moving forward because that's where the future is. What's over is over; it's already finished so-

...why the hell is he attending a high school reunion?

It’s not what he wants to do, but everyone from high school has been calling him and asking whether he will be coming. Seoho tries his best to reject, he really does, yet no one heeds to his answer and they simply say that they will be meeting him there. And much to his dismay, Geonhak even fills a leave form on his behalf and Seoho is there, sitting in the passenger seat with his officemate driving him to God knows where.

“I hate you.” He murmurs.

Geonhak hums. “Nothing new. Try again.”

“I really fucking hate you.”

“Have heard of that one too. You are getting uncreative these days.”

Seoho lands a punch on the man’s arm and Geonhak curses. 

“Calm your ass down! I’m driving! You are going to get us into an accident at this rate.”

“If not for your nosy nose, I wouldn’t have to come to this shitty event,” Seoho huffs in annoyance. And to think that he is going to have loads of paper works pending on his desk by the next week, ugh.

“It’s the weekend. It’s Friday. Why don’t you live a little? It’s your high school reunion and I know how much high school time meant a lot to you, from what you have told me.”

“What if I don’t want to _live a little_ ,” Seoho repeats it with a mocking tone and Geonhak rolls his eyes.

“Nothing’s bad going to happen. Why are you acting like you got your panties in a twist?”

“You are not the _one_ going to that damn high school reunion so you wouldn’t know. It’s not going to be all happy and sunshine.”

“What?” Geonhak asks again, “The worst that would happen is you meeting your ex. That’s it.”

Seoho lets out a groan. “That’s the fucking thing. I have lived my life calmly. I don’t fucking need any problem added to my plate. I have enough of my clients bugging me for the update of their designs. God! They are going to bombard me with their texts!”

Geonhak snorts. “I will be kind enough to tell them that you are going for a little vacation, if anyone might contact me to ask for your lack of response.”

The car stops and Geonhak leans against the steering wheel. “We are here. Get your ass out of here.”

“I don’t want to.” Seoho murmurs in a child-like tone, his lips pursing forward and cheeks puffed round.

The chuckle coming from Geonhak doesn’t help him feel any better, it feels like his friend is mocking him.

“Just get this over soon. If you didn’t come, you would lose your friends and I’m sure you would regret it.”

Seoho groans loudly, “Fuck you. Why are you so persistent.”

“Listen,” Geonhak leans closer, “It’s just for a day! I will be coming to get you back at night and you will be sleeping nicely in your lovely bed and you are going to thank me later.”

The stare Seoho gives to his friend is so sharp that it’s coming with a laser as well. It’s a short staring battle with Geonhak before finally Seoho sighs and slumps weakly.

“Fine.”

“Great! Call me when you are done, son!” Geonhak says while he steps down from the car.

Seoho flips him a finger before slamming the car door roughly. He can hear the muffled laugh coming from Geonhak before the car drives away, leaving him alone in this foreign place. He sighs and adjusts his black blazer and… here we go.

Everyone, almost everyone, is there. Seoho is greeted by the teachers standing at the double door of the event hall, welcoming him with their old but happy eyes. His annoyance goes away for a half because yeah, the teachers had been very nice to him and it’s actually very nice to see them being healthy like this.

There are friends, old friends, and Seoho does their old school style of fist bumps, and then they are laughing loudly as if they were back to being high school boys pulling pranks. It’s been so long, almost ten years since he has met some of his friends. There are some which he has seen once in a while, be it at work or just an accidental meeting at the street.

The invitation for the high school reunion came into his email a month ago and Seoho was so sure he wouldn’t come. It was stated that the reunion will be held in the venue hall quite far from where he is actually living and he ignored the email for a long time, and he might have told this to Geonhak along the way, or maybe that guy crept to his computer, who knows. Geonhak could be pretty surprising at times. 

A week ago, his manager told him that his request for a leave had been approved and Seoho actually didn’t remember requesting for it. He later found out that Geonhak did it and then they were back to being the famous Tom and Jerry in the whole company. Everyone has gotten used to their antics by now, really.

The reunion is okay, maybe. The thing that Seoho doesn’t want to see or meet, and the thing that he really wants to avoid the most… is to meet his _ex_. 

He didn’t end it well with his ex and while he still has these unresolved questions in his head, he actually prefers to not know about those at all. He would like to avoid his ex at all costs because… of certain reasons. It’s been a _calm_ four years since he broke up with his ex and he would like to maintain it that way, thank you.

When he earlier wrote down his name in the entrance book, he managed to do a quick scan with his eyes for a certain name and he was actually very relieved to not find it. 

But hey, he speaks too quickly.

His high school friend taps him on his shoulder and Seoho sends a questioning smile, only to be answered with a nod of chin towards the direction of the door.

Oh, how regretful Seoho is to even turn to the direction, because… there his ex is entering with that wide smile across his face. Seoho feels his own smile drops and he glances away, though his heart starts to beat erratically upon landing his eyes on the man he hadn’t seen for so long. After spending quite a long time of trying to _forget_ the man, Seoho doesn’t think that he would be this affected just by a single look at the man.

Going to the corner of the hall seems to be a very good idea. Seoho can make himself small just by standing there, sipping at his glass of wine while pretending that he doesn’t know anyone in this big, big place.

Then again, Seoho is not one to easily lie, even to himself. He keeps pretending, even to himself. The macaron looks pretty, he thinks. It looks delicious, he thinks. But the macaron is behind him, he thinks. So maybe he can turn around to get the macaron, he concludes.

He turns around and his eyes automatically fleet up, taking secret glances to _The Ex_ and watching how the said man is blending so nicely in between the mass of people. He still looks as good as before- wait. Wait. What the fuck.

Seoho grabs a macaron and quickly turns around, giving his back to the man. He is here _against his will_ , and he is not allowed to fucking _drool_ over his ex. It’s over, he tells himself, and he is still bitter over what had happened between them years ago, and he is not here to reconcile or anything. He is not here because he wants to, yeah, Geonhak forced him to. 

When he thinks back to the past, Seoho cursed himself for being utterly childish and impulsive. There are so many _what ifs_ flying in his head whenever he thinks about everything in the past, no matter how long it’s been. Four years are not short and actually not yet that long either, and he keeps telling himself that he will move on, he will forget, and he will be okay again.

Guess he is still deeply hurt by things that always remain in the back of his memories. The wounds are still fresh, and Seoho doesn’t know if he will ever recover from the pain.

Someone taps on his shoulder, careful to not startle him, and Seoho has a hunch of who that’s going to be. His heart is up in his throat and he wants to pretend that he doesn’t feel the tap, but it’s impossible because he can feel the warmth of the presence behind him. His hold around the glass of wine tightens and he tells himself to _get a grip and stay calm_ , before spinning around to see _whoever_ it is.

Surprise, surprise. It’s The Ex. 

“Hello. It’s been a while.” The ex greets, polite, gentle smile playing at the corner of his lips. _The lips that Seoho used to love to kiss the most._

“Hi.” Seoho answers back with a tiny voice.

“I see you have been staying here all by yourself. Why are you not chatting with your friends? I’m sure they all miss you.”

Seoho rolls his eyes and it’s an act to keep himself rooted to the ground. His whole being is shaking, his heart is shaking, and his eyes are glancing away. He just hopes the ex won’t see through him.

“Um yeah.”

Sounds so awkward. He looks so awkward. 

His wine is finished and he puts the glass back, calculating some reasons in his head to sprout it out so he can avoid his ex altogether. 

“I have to go see-”

“Seoho! And Youngjo!”

Seoho closes his eyes as he hears the call of their names and he prays to God up there to please give him strength because he now cannot escape from the clutch of this stern chemistry teacher. He loves this teacher, really, but this teacher used to support him and his ex. It’s like, this teacher was one of the biggest supporters back then.

They were quite a couple back then in high school. Some people even deemed them as the ideal couple. They were the IT couple. Seoho now thinks that maybe they were sporty, stylish, and they were pretty smart too, and they just didn’t go all icky when they dated. It’s a weird description but that’s how Seoho thinks he and his ex used to be. They were like the school couple.

The chemistry teacher looks very happy upon seeing them attending this reunion, and Seoho doesn’t have the heart to break it to him that he and Youngjo are no longer together. The old man still thinks that they are going _strong_ and it’s so ironic because they are nowhere near strong. Seoho smiles bitterly as he listens to the old man retelling about old days where he used to see the two of them playing basketball after classes were finished. Good old days, but it’s all just memories now.

Once there is a chance, Seoho uses it to escape and joins a group of friends and just spends his time chatting even though he is very tired of socializing. He just wants to go back home and drinks and sleeps until he forgets everything.

There are times when he sees Youngjo trying to approach him and he knows better to stay less than a meter from the man. If avoiding is the last thing to do in this world, he would do it again and again. 

The reunion event takes hours and Seoho even meets one of his clients from work, who apparently went to the same school. They talk about his work and he thinks it’s better to do this boring talk rather than having to blend with other people, or even meet the ex again. The next thing Seoho realizes, most of the people have started to leave the place and he thinks maybe it’s time for him to leave as well.

It’s raining hard out there as he whips his phone out, dialing Geonhak’s numbers. His friend answers on the fifth ring.

“Hey, I’m done here, but it’s raining.” He murmurs into the phone.

“Yeah. It’s raining just as hard here. I heard there might be a storm in an hour or so.”

“Fuck. It’s going to be dangerous for you to drive here,” Seoho says, biting down on his lip. He can’t possibly force Geonhak to drive under the heavy rain, knowing how dangerous the road will be. He curses the universe again for the great timing for his car to be broken.

“Do you mind waiting for a few hours? When the rain stops or lessens, I will go there soon.”

“No, it’s okay, you don’t have to come. I can just find a hotel to stay for a night or something.”

“You sure? I can-”

“Yeah. Dongju wouldn’t forgive me if anything happens to you.”

Geonhak hums, “Okay. I will get you home first thing in the morning. Just tell me where you will be staying.”

“Right. See you, man. Bye.”

Seoho sighs and stuffs his phone back into his pocket. The rain doesn’t seem to stop anytime soon and he really thinks he needs to find a hotel near here (he is sure he saw one on the way here earlier) because he doesn’t think he will enjoy another round of talk. He has enough of socializing for the year.

“It’s raining really hard.”

He flinches at the sudden voice and it’s just Youngjo The Ex. Seoho takes a deep breath and nods stiffly.

“Yeah.” Short, curt, stiff. Because really, what else is he going to say?

“I overheard you saying about finding a hotel. Do you want to go together? I am sure I saw one not so far from here-”

“Why,” Seoho cuts him off, slowly panicking inside, “Why would I go with _you_?”

Youngjo sends him a long stare before smiling, “Because we are in the same condition? And we have to find a shelter soon?”

Seoho huffs and walks away, because he doesn’t find any rebuttal to that, and he keeps his mouth shut even though he can hear the sound of footsteps following after him. Seriously, he doesn’t know what Youngjo wants from him. They are already over years ago and this is certainly not the situation where they can act like there is nothing at all.

There are still unanswered questions and actually? Seoho would like to keep it that way. He doesn't think he is ready for answers that might possibly hurt him even more.

A hand grasps his forearm, stopping him from walking even further. Seoho glances up and he finds Youngjo frowning at him.

"You should really stop spacing out," the man comments softly, "The hotel is here."

Indeed, they have arrived in front of the hotel building after walking and creeping under some roofs to avoid the rain. The touch on his arm is steady and warm, and he shakily shakes it off. Or he is going to be affected and he doesn't need that.

"Whatever." He murmurs under his breath before entering the warm building of the hotel.

There are people lounging here and there, might be taking shelter from the rain and the upcoming storm too, and he quickly goes to ask for a room for himself; with his ex trailing behind him.

"We are so sorry, gentlemen," the woman behind the desk sends them an apologetic smile after checking into her computer, "There is only one room left."

Seoho swallows thickly and groans. What kind of fate is this? 

“There must be a mistake. Check it again.” Seoho says, voice so demanding that he feels a slight tad sorry towards the woman. She doesn’t have any choice but to check and she still says the same words. Seoho curls his fingers into his damp black hair and he lets out a low groan. Life is playing with him.

“Would you mind,” Youngjo says silently by his side, “to be sharing a room with me for one night only?”

Seoho sends him a sharp glare. “Are you crazy?!” He glances to see if this man is actually joking, but Youngjo looks as serious as he can be. Seoho lets out a scoff of disbelief and goes to direct his eyes away, to hide how nervous he is at the sudden proposition. He has enough of spending his time this much with his ex, he doesn’t think he needs to spend it _more_.

Youngjo just stares at him for a while, looking far from joking.

“I couldn’t drive in this weather and you can’t go back too. There is no other hotel around and we are stuck here. That’s the only choice unless you want to walk out of here and let the other take the last room.”

Seoho swallows thickly and steals a glance back through his shoulder. Youngjo is right but he doesn’t want to admit it, yet he also doesn’t have any other choice but to huff in resignation and let his ex books a room for the _two of them_.

He doesn’t want to look at Youngjo’s face for the whole journey in the elevator, wishing for the world to open up and swallow him wholly. This is so… embarrassing; to be taking a shelter with the ex that he doesn’t want to meet the most. And in a hotel room. Just the two of them. No one else. In this late night. With his heart in his throat. With his pupils trembling greatly from this weird feeling he has in his chest.

Youngjo doesn’t try to start a conversation with him, thankfully, or maybe the man does notice how uncomfortable he is. Seoho pretends like his nails are the most interesting thing to stare at as he slowly trails behind the man who’s already walking ahead of him trying to find _their_ room. God, that sounds so wrong. It’s just… been too long that Seoho doesn’t know who to act in front of his ex at all. He is making a fool of himself.

It’s a moderate room with a single queen size bed and Seoho takes a silent, deep breath to calm himself. Nothing’s going to happen so he doesn’t have to get himself all nervous like this as if this is their first time to spend a night together, albeit in the _innocent_ way. But then again, his head is mushy and his brain is all wrecked, so he can’t shake the memory of them spending numerous nights together in the past. Shut it, brain.

He goes to the couch and takes his spot there, throwing the blazer he has taken off on the arm of the couch. 

“You can take the bed.” Youngjo says silently and he is this close to ignoring it, but he can’t do that because his ex is actually being nice for once. Offering him the bed might be the best thing he has done today, Seoho thinks.

“Fine,” he murmurs, grabbing his blazer and rising up from the couch to head towards the bed.

Youngjo is standing there, in the middle, watching him taking off his shoes and socks. Seoho feels very much aware of how he is being watched for his every movement and even though it’s getting pretty uncomfortable, he can’t shake the warmth creeping from his chest up to his neck. Youngjo has always been the one staring a lot and he had never gotten over it, back then.

“Stop staring.” He says, faking it as a hiss to cover how shaky his voice is actually. Being in this close distance with his ex is already overwhelming, not to add how close Youngjo is actually standing to where he is sitting on the bed.

“Seoho,” the man calls in his soft, soft alluring voice and he wills himself to not actually shake at the way his name is said.

He doesn’t answer, ignoring it, and twisting his waist as he reaches to put his wristwatch on the bedside drawer. He feels the bed dip and the next thing he knows, Youngjo is already sitting beside him with a decent gap between them.

“You-”

“Seoho, can we talk? It’s been too long.”

 _It won’t change anything_ , he wants to say, but he can’t even come up with any word. Seoho resorts on rolling his eyes, he doesn’t know why he is acting so childish in front of his ex, but he just doesn’t want Youngjo to notice how affected he is to his presence.

“There is nothing to talk about-”

“There is,” Youngjo cuts him off, “It’s long overdue, but the least I can do is to explain things to you, when I now have the chance. You have been avoiding me like a plague.”

Seoho doesn’t want to hear it. He doesn’t know what Youngjo is going to say, but he doesn’t think he is ready to hear how and what the things that had caused them to break up. The feeling is there, it’s always there, and no matter how many fucking times he tells everyone that he has moved on, he can’t fucking lie to himself.

The love is there, but he just doesn’t want to say it. It’s a lie if he says he can move on this fast because he can’t and he doesn’t think he will. Youngjo has been the one he spent most of his life with and it’s not going to happen that easy.

“What do you expect me to do? Fucking smile and say hi?” He retorts with the sharpest tone he could utter.

“You can let me meet you to explain things.”

“I… I don’t want to hear it.” Seoho finds himself stuttering at first but he regains himself back so he can stay strong in front of his ex. So he doesn’t appear that broken.

The bed dips even more and Seoho feels the body warmth coming closer even without him needing to lift his gaze away from his own bare feet.

“Get away-”

There is a hand on the side of his face and Seoho makes a mistake of looking up, regretting it immediately when he locks eyes with Youngjo’s. Those eyes, still as gentle and as mesmerizing as ever, and once again Seoho is lost in them. So lost that he can’t even say petty things. Not when Youngjo is leaning closer, smiling so prettily, and-

“I’ve missed you so much,” Youngjo whispers in a low tone and Seoho swallows thickly at those words. He just… can’t do anything to stop his heart from feeling so happy over that simple lie.

The man leans close, closer, so close that Seoho can smell the still same cologne he is using, can feel the warmth of his breath hitting his cheek, can count and recite all the moles on his face.

“Don’t push me away again,” Youngjo mutters, and his lips are so close as he speaks, _so close_ , “But if you don’t want this, stop me.”

Seoho grips at his own trousers, his heart beating uncontrollably in his chest, and he just… gives up. Give up to his denial, give up to his desire, give up to being so hard headed.

Youngjo waits, silently, urging for his reaction, and Seoho lifts an arm, curling the crook of his elbow around his ex’s neck.

Their lips meet and the feeling is still as amazing as the first time they kissed at the back of the locker room back in high school. 

Youngjo holds his head still in place with both hands and Seoho lets out a breath of relief, as if something heavy is leaving his chest. 

It’s a rushed kiss, so quick, so rough, so deep and warm, burning like fire against his lips as they twist against Youngjo’s ones in fast, greedy pecks. The fire is alive, licking at the bottom of his heart as if to tease him, to tip him over, until he is drowned in the hotness and burnt. Until he can’t even think of escaping again.

There is a hand at the back of his neck when they separate and Seoho looks up with his eyes filled with unshed tears. Their breathings are ragged, quick, erratic, and he sits there as Youngjo stares to gauge his reaction. Seoho swallows and unconsciously licks his bottom lip, and then the man just kisses him again.

It's softer this time, as if to take a better taste, as if to see where it’s going to go. Seoho lets out a soft, breathy whimper when he is attacked with feelings, so much feelings that he used to feel when they were together. Longing and desperation and love, and so many more, until he can’t even reject the desire anymore; until he lets Youngjo hover above him.

There are lips against the side of his neck, warm and burning, staying there against his pulse, and Seoho lifts his two arms up to pull the man lower. He feels Youngjo’s weight resting on top of him, and for once, he feels so assured, so calm, so right. 

Youngjo whispers his name on repeat, as if to remind him that it’s their own time, the space they create together, and Seoho swallows the bile in his throat. He doesn’t know where this sudden urge to cry is coming from, and he is not one to cry over trivial things. Youngjo kisses his bobbing Adam’s apple and it’s like the man knows what he is actually feeling right now.

Their lips meet again and Seoho closes his eyes, welcoming the man full dead resting on top of him. In the midst of the kisses full of longing, he slips his fingers into the man’s locks and just scratches his scalp, and Youngjo is kissing him deeper than before.

Seoho tilts his head back when lips fall on the expanse of his shoulder, down to the bare skin of his chest, and he doesn’t even notice his shirt dropping to the floor. He takes notice at Youngjo’s shirt dropping down along the man’s arms because he is the one pushing it down, ignoring the wrinkles on the fabric as it falls to the floor to join his own. 

The rest is just quick, fast paced, and Seoho just feels so emotional. He is crying, not knowing what causes it, but he is downright sobbing into Youngjo’s shoulder as the man fingers him open in rough, cruel jabs inside. The lips on his neck are just as cruel, leaving painful hickeys along their ways, all over the skin of his neck and shoulder, and Seoho doesn’t even have the power to mention it.

Youngjo is breathing hard against his ear, his ragged and low grunts filling his hearings, and Seoho is all welcoming it. 

He misses it, he misses everything. The feeling of Youngjo’s hands on him, the feeling of Youngjo’s lips muttering unknown words into his skin, the feeling of Youngjo’s warmth enveloping him in such a tight embrace, the feeling of Youngjo’s voice vibrating through his chest, the feeling of Youngjo’s heated skin under his own fingers.

But then he is reminded of things, things that break them, things that actually live rent free inside his head for the whole years, things that make the pain and the fire of anger burn in his chest; until Seoho is digging his nails into the man’s back, painful enough to hurt him, until he is whispering a myriad of questions, mostly _whys_. 

Youngjo can feel his anger. The man knows it. The man can feel the fight he is trying to do, the internal battle that eventually starts to show through his rough treatment coming from his hands. Seoho grunts, tears dripping down his cheeks as he glares at his ex, as he tries to push Youngjo away so he can, at least, _try_ to hate him.

But no, his ex won’t even let him escape. Seoho hisses, albeit in a whole different feeling, when Youngjo grabs at the hair at the back of his head and yanks it back. The move exposes the expanse of his long neck and the man feasts on his skin. Seoho lets out a low, guttural moan of desperation, and he can feel his arousal burning him, until it makes him hate himself from how embarrassing it is.

Youngjo drives in, all hard and thick, deep inside, and Seoho lets out a broken whimper at how big the man is. He has forgotten about the sensation, about the feeling that finally, fucking finally, topples him over the edge until he is coming so early, making a mess on his own skin.

He can feel the man’s smile against the skin of his cheek, and Seoho turns his head away, too embarrassed at the fact that he has just come from the penetration only. Way to go to keep his dignity; but Youngjo seems to adore it from the way the man is kissing all over his face. Seoho swallows when he feels lips kissing his eyelids, and he is downright clutching at the man as if he is holding his life.

Youngjo rocks into him, in rough but deep thrusts that have him going all haywire. He is crying, all beyond his imagination, and his ex is enjoying it way too fucking much. Seoho whimpers when the bed shakes, uncontrollably hard, as Youngjo fucks into him in a powerful manner that leaves him all breathless.

Seoho is spouting nonsense, he has drool dripping down from the corner of his lips, and Youngjo is folding him into half. One of his knees is bent up, to give the man full access, and Seoho is there, at the receiving end, giving up to eventually fight back. 

He… he never wants to fight back anyway.

The tension is building up and for once, Seoho looks up to stare at his ex’s face. Youngjo is all sweating, his eyebrows drawn in a taut line, and he still looks just the same, just as the man he once used to love with all his life. As Seoho lifts a hand up to caress the frown away from the man’s face, Youngjo stares back, and then images of their youth are playing in his eyes.

Seoho pulls the man down and he kisses him, their lips meeting in the sweetest taste as if they were back to the time they made love for the first time years ago. It’s the same warmth, the same feeling, the same person that makes Seoho feels _that_ all over again.

It’s a cloud nine when climax hits them in the most satisfying feeling ever, and Seoho closes his eyes when Youngjo comes and fills him with warmth, when Youngjo hugs him close, when Youngjo whispers _I love you so much_ to him.

He doesn’t say it back, but it’s at the tip of his tongue, threatening to spill and break the walls he has built for years.

But yeah; _I love you too. So much that it hurts more than it should be._

The storm is loud outside, but not as loud as the voices in his head.

*

Seoho is awake with fatigue and pain all over his body, his head pounding, and his fingers trembling upon finding out that he has let Youngjo fucked him and kept him close in his sleep. The nervousness is back and he slowly peels himself from the man’s grip, blindly reaching for his shirt and underwear.

His hands tremble greatly as he wears his shirt back, suddenly getting reminded of everything from last night. As he sits back on the edge of the bed, very aware of the sleeping man just less than a meter away behind him, he pulls at his messy hair to wake himself even more.

He can’t believe he had let it happen, moreover when he keeps telling himself that he is going to forget the man. He needs to get away from here.

Geonhak is not answering his call and he tries again while stealing a glance at the time. It’s pretty early, barely seven in the morning, and he is actually sorry for waking his friend up but he needs help.

“Hey, Dongju,” he greets softly, surprised at how hoarse his own voice is, “Sorry for waking you up, but can you please tell Geonhak to get me from here? I- I need to go back home as soon as possible,” he swallows.

Dongju sounds very much asleep more than awake and Seoho starts to think if he should have taken a taxi back-

A hand appears from his side and then his phone is taken away in a swift. He gasps in surprise and turns around to see a very much awake Youngjo with his phone against his ear.

“Hello, please tell Mr. Geonhak that he doesn’t have to come because I will be driving Seoho home. Thank you.”

He ends the call and drops the phone to the bed, before staring up at him. Seoho gapes.

“What- what do you think you are doing?!” He shrieks.

“Are you trying to run away again?” Youngjo asks, frowning, and Seoho wants nothing but to reach over and smooth the frown away, but he doesn’t do that.

Instead, he turns away and collects his mind. “I’m going. Nothing happened. Forget it all.”

Youngjo catches him before he could even leap away from the bed, keeping him still in his arms. Seoho hisses at the feeling of being trapped, and he tries to push the man’s arms away. 

“Let go, you fuck-”

“We didn’t even talk last night.”

“I- I told you there is nothing to talk about-”

“Then why are you running away?”

“I’m not running away- I don’t need to explain myself to you.”

Youngjo presses himself to his back, bare chest against his barely covered back, and there is a kiss on the base of his neck. Seoho stills and swallows thickly, suddenly feeling weak for things he doesn’t understand.

“It’s been a long time ago,” Youngjo starts when he sees that Seoho is not going to resist anymore, “but the least I can do is to answer your questions.”

Seoho splays his palms over his bare thighs and gulps. Here goes nothing.

“We were very busy.” Youngjo says and Seoho knows. He knows; those words were the exact thing that broke them up.

“And it was burdening. Not the relationship, but the thought of you waiting up for me until late night. You didn’t deserve that.”

Those were long nights, Seoho remembers curling up on the sofa while waiting for Youngjo to finish his work, and it could even be until late at night. At first, it was okay, but over the times, it was just a boring monotone habit. They barely met. There were no more good night kisses, and they only met in the morning, in between the morning rushes and almost spilled coffee. Gone were the light chats during breakfast, there were only passive aggressive hellos and byes.

“And… you were busy too,” Youngjo points out in a soft voice.

Seoho nods, “I know.”

“But it was not your fault. You got a promotion at that time and I was so proud of you. Really, proud of you that I didn’t even think anything when you skipped our anniversary dinner.”

“You were mad.” Seoho whispers.

“I did not- okay, fine, I did. Not mad at you, but to the timing and the universe, more towards those. You getting a promotion was something that you had been wishing for and I couldn’t be selfish to think that you would want to skip the dinner.”

“How long did you wait that day?” Seoho asks, because he never knew.

“Quite long.”

“How long?”

“Until… until the restaurant closed up, I suppose.”

Seoho swallows the bile in his throat and he gazes down, “Sorry.”

“That’s okay. It was all in the past.” Youngjo’s tone is light and there is no hint of anger at all.

“Who,” Seoho whispers a question that he has in his head for so long, “who did you go with? To the ring store?”

“Who? When?” 

Seoho curses himself for asking that. He should just forget about it. It shows how he still remembers everything.

“The week after we… broke up,” he swallows back, “I accidentally saw you going into a ring store with someone.” _Someone that was not me._

Youngjo is silent for a while, thinking hard, before he makes a sound.

“Ah. I suppose you meant a friend of mine from the company. He was planning to propose to his lover and he needed help to plan everything. If that was what you mean, then that.”

“Oh.” Seoho whispers like an idiot.

That thing has been bugging his mind for years and it becomes a big factor of why he “hates” Youngjo so much. The man kept telling him he was busy with work, but the moment they broke up, he went out with someone else. He almost thought that Youngjo was lying and might have cheated on him, but now he got his answer.

They had skipped so many plans and dates altogether, just because they were busy. Over the time, that excuse became something more like a habit that spilled out of their mouths without them thinking. Whenever one asked for something, the other one said that he was _busy_. Seoho hates that word so much.

“Being busy took our time together.” Youngjo murmurs against his shoulder, kissing the skin through the shirt, “But what I regretted the most is that it broke us.”

It did, and Seoho couldn’t say that it still _does_.

“I’m okay now, if that’s what you are worrying about.” He says, emphasizing his tone on _okay_ just to make it like he is sure.

“You are not.” Youngjo says in finality in his tone.

Seoho twists his neck to look at the man behind him, “I said I’m okay-” Yet his words die on his tongue when he sees that sad look in Youngjo’s eyes.

“Are you really?”

“I… y-yeah,” the lie doesn’t flow as smoothly as he wishes for.

“You are not.” Youngjo repeats it. “And I’m not too.”

“I,” Seoho pauses, trying to find his words, “I- I have moved on.” _Lies. Lies. Another lie._

“Seoho,” Youngjo whispers in pain, “Moving on is one of things you couldn’t do in your life. You told me yourself back then.”

Busted. Yeah, Seoho can’t move on. He is a human, an imperfect one, he holds grudges, he overthinks, he gets nervous a lot, and he can’t forget things that easily. In conclusion, he doesn’t have the ability to move on from his past.

“S-So, so what,” he stutters shakily.

Youngjo gathers him into his arms even more, pressing so close that all he can feel and smell and think and breath is Youngjo. Until he can feel the man’s heartbeats on his back, until he is sure Youngjo can hear his ragged breathing.

“So stop lying to yourself.” Youngjo says in a begging tone.

Seoho bends his head down, his eyes clouded with tears of so many years worth. How can Youngjo be like a storm, coming so suddenly, unannounced, into his life, and flipping it upside down without mercy? And how is he allowing it to happen? How is Youngjo still having so much power over him, despite the years that have separated them?

How come the feeling is still so strong, until he can’t even hold it back anymore?

“What,” he chokes out a sob, “what do you want me to do then? What should I do?”

Youngjo spins him around so he can face him, and Seoho is so embarrassed for crying like a child. He is never like this, but only Youngjo who has seen everything of him though.

“Be honest to yourself. Stop lying.” Youngjo wipes the tears away from his face. When Seoho looks up, he can see tears threatening to fall from Youngjo’s eyes as well and he is this close to laughing at how ironic this whole situation is.

“And,” Youngjo pauses for a second to take a hold of his hands, “And take me back if you still want me.” He says in a whisper.

Seoho sees this one coming, but he still can’t cover his surprise. He chokes out a hiccup and Youngjo laughs at him, albeit a bit shaky and teary sounding, and Seoho sees a tear trails down the man’s cheek.

“Take me back again, give me a chance. Give me a chance to redeem myself.”

Seoho chews on his bottom lip and ponders over everything. All the denials are gone the moment they have this talk and he wants nothing other than to take Youngjo back in a heartbeat, yet the fear of the same thing repeating is there.

“What if- what if nothing changes?” He asks while looking up with an anxious, clueless stare.

“Seoho,”

“What if we hurt each other again? I don’t think I can handle it.” 

Youngjo breathes, “I can’t promise rainbows to you, because we are bound to make mistakes. What I can promise to you now,” he holds on his cheeks in his hands, “is that I will try my best to not repeat the same thing again.”

Seoho shakes, he doesn’t know if he can handle the same pain, but he also knows that he is going to regret it for the rest of his life if he ever rejects this chance. It’s clear, his decision is clear, and he only needs a push from himself to agree.

He takes a look up and finds Youngjo is staring with a hopeful gaze. There is a nervous smile hanging on his lips and his eyes are red from tears, the same goes with his nose, and he has very massive bed hair. Seoho stifles a smile, and he feels the warmth spreading across his chest, and there are tingles all over his fingers and his feet are starting to get giddy from the sudden excitement.

Yeah. Okay.

He surges forward to whisper a soft, barely audible _I love you_ , before pressing his lips against Youngjo’s in a gentle, chaste kiss. Those lips, the sweetest pair of lips he has always loved the most, spread into a wide smile, and then they just kiss and smile until the muscles on his cheeks hurt.

His heart is beating so quickly until he can hear the drumming of _thud, thud, thud_ in his ears, until he can barely make out what Youngjo is actually saying, but he does understand that the man is telling him how much he loves him and how much he won’t let him go ever again, no matter what will happen.

They seal the promise with another soft kiss and Seoho sighs into Youngjo’s shoulder as the man hugs him so tightly.

There are promises that they make and even though it’s going to be very hard, they promise to keep going and to talk more. Communication is the key in every relationship.

There is a text from Geonhak: _Are you okay? Do you need me to go get you?_

Seoho grins and types back a reply, _I’m okay and no, you don’t need to. My boyfriend is going to drive me back. See ya._

Geonhak replies with a _your what???_ and Seoho ignores the text as Youngjo comes to approach him in the lobby.

“Let’s go home.” Youngjo says with a smile on his sweet, sweet lips; a hand offered to him.

Seoho glances at it and gently takes the hand into his hold, intertwining their fingers together in a tight, fitting braid.

“Okay.” He says with a smile playing on the corner of his mouth, which Youngjo can’t help but to steal a kiss from.

**Author's Note:**

> twt: [@kumo_is_kumo](https://twitter.com/kumo_is_kumo)


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